"The world is dew,

Is the world of dew,

And yet, and yet."

 

                  -- Issa

 

Issa's poem reflects my dilemma between the knowledge and awareness of the teaching of impermanence, that change is inevitable, and my ability to accept this reality when I'm confronted with a personal experience of radical change in my life. Yes, I know about the abstract teaching of impermanence, I understand the theory behind the Heart Sutra, I diligently propagate the Buddhist teachings in Connecticut but like Issa, when I'm faced with the finality of death, in this case the passing away of a serious relationship, I found myself deeply hurt and confused. I profoundly felt the words, and yet, and yet. Why couldn't I accept this breakup? Why could I just let it go?  In October, a couple of weeks after this breakup, I read Issa's poem and was deeply moved and knew that I wasn't alone, that it's o.k. someone else felt that same way too. I was normal. I couldn't compare my loss with the death of his daughter but through the centuries Issa spoke to me. I realized again that I'm a limited being compounded with blind passions and regardless of my knowledge and practice of Buddhist teachings; I still feel the loss of something special; I still possess deeply ingrained attachments that can never be fully dissolved. This affirms my humanness. It's o.k. to grieve. I know that I just need to entrust in the Great Compassion that sustains me and say Namu-Amida-Butsu.